What do you do when fear dictates your life? When your mind creates dreams and goals that are never pursued and never come to fruition. When the things you do try to achieve fall around you like broken shards of glass and with time and constant failure you give up. Give up and crawl to that comfortable corner of your life where nothing happens. Where your life is meaningless and apart from being close to the one you love, you have nothing to share with them or yourself.
How do you find the way out of that when fear continues to dictate your life and there is no breaking free?
Where loneliness is your friend and failure your constant companion.
What do you do?
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Jasmin
What a day!
I have been trying to motivate myself to go out and sort out that damn garden of mine for some time, but i have been extremely unsuccessful. That is until my husband left me to watch tv and went in to do some computer stuff. I didn't want to sit all day in front of the box and zone out like i do a lot of the times during the week. So instead, i finished my show (it was the old Charlie's angels - come on!) and then went out with my garden gloves, the large trimmer and proceeded to hack away at a giant orchid plant that never seemed to want to flower. I think it was dying really. I chopped off all the leaves and then called the husband to help me figure out how to remove the plant from the pot. What an adventure! There was barely any soil in the pot by the time we'd managed to remove the thing. I got some very good arm exercise trying to cut into the roots! (In the hot sun mind you)
ANyway, exhilarated by our well earned success at removing this plant we decided to tackle the jasmine bushes at the front of the house. To explain. We have three biiig jasmine bushes running down the side of the driveway on the fence. Our poor neighbours have the overgrown bushes peeking cheekily onto their side and they have some beautiful hydrangeas in their front garden that i really wouldn't like to see our jasmine bushes strangle (as they did to our lemon tree in the backyard!) Each of the big bushes had sprouted sisters and brothers next to them so that the entire length of the driveway was filled with these plants.
Now don't get me wrong. I don't like killing plants. I seriously wanted to pull one of the jasmine bushes out and plant t in a pot and then just regularly trim it. I love the smell of jasmine in spring. But it didn't work out and we had to kill one of the plants and one of its sisters or brothers/..not sure what the gender would be hehehe.
The point was, we filled up our garden bin to the top and i just wanted to keep going. I felt amazing! So exhilarated and excited and motivated. I felt like i'd just exercised and my serotonin levels were high. I felt so happy. I guess in a way it was exercise, considering we were pulling and pushing some of the time (especially with the orchid) but it felt like something else. I loved the smell of the earth and the being in control. I love the feeling of erasing mess and sorting things out and thats really what we were doing. Removing jasmine bushes that were literally spreading far and wide and latching onto any nearby plant to ensure its survival. A parasite taking over other plants and strangling it of its space and nutrients. It was so hard to even find the main root of the bush since my husband kept finding many under one bush!
In any case, I am certainly looking forward to my next gardening session. I can't wait for our garden bin to be emptied! :)
I have been trying to motivate myself to go out and sort out that damn garden of mine for some time, but i have been extremely unsuccessful. That is until my husband left me to watch tv and went in to do some computer stuff. I didn't want to sit all day in front of the box and zone out like i do a lot of the times during the week. So instead, i finished my show (it was the old Charlie's angels - come on!) and then went out with my garden gloves, the large trimmer and proceeded to hack away at a giant orchid plant that never seemed to want to flower. I think it was dying really. I chopped off all the leaves and then called the husband to help me figure out how to remove the plant from the pot. What an adventure! There was barely any soil in the pot by the time we'd managed to remove the thing. I got some very good arm exercise trying to cut into the roots! (In the hot sun mind you)
ANyway, exhilarated by our well earned success at removing this plant we decided to tackle the jasmine bushes at the front of the house. To explain. We have three biiig jasmine bushes running down the side of the driveway on the fence. Our poor neighbours have the overgrown bushes peeking cheekily onto their side and they have some beautiful hydrangeas in their front garden that i really wouldn't like to see our jasmine bushes strangle (as they did to our lemon tree in the backyard!) Each of the big bushes had sprouted sisters and brothers next to them so that the entire length of the driveway was filled with these plants.
Now don't get me wrong. I don't like killing plants. I seriously wanted to pull one of the jasmine bushes out and plant t in a pot and then just regularly trim it. I love the smell of jasmine in spring. But it didn't work out and we had to kill one of the plants and one of its sisters or brothers/..not sure what the gender would be hehehe.
The point was, we filled up our garden bin to the top and i just wanted to keep going. I felt amazing! So exhilarated and excited and motivated. I felt like i'd just exercised and my serotonin levels were high. I felt so happy. I guess in a way it was exercise, considering we were pulling and pushing some of the time (especially with the orchid) but it felt like something else. I loved the smell of the earth and the being in control. I love the feeling of erasing mess and sorting things out and thats really what we were doing. Removing jasmine bushes that were literally spreading far and wide and latching onto any nearby plant to ensure its survival. A parasite taking over other plants and strangling it of its space and nutrients. It was so hard to even find the main root of the bush since my husband kept finding many under one bush!
In any case, I am certainly looking forward to my next gardening session. I can't wait for our garden bin to be emptied! :)
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